So I got out of bed this morning and have kept myself very busy all day. I started by changing the bed sheets, brushing teeth, taking make-up off (I know right.. in the morning tut tut), making hot lemon/mint/cayenne pepper tea and getting down to business. I sorted out a big pile of books to sell, threw away about 4 full carrier bags of shit that I don’t need and gave a friend the rest of my red wine and some other bits and pieces that I wanted to get rid of. She helped me lug the books to the bookshop then we had a cup of tea at mine while I still sorted through things. She left, I ate early dinner, cleaned the bathroom and went to the gym from which I’ve come back, had second dinner and a bath.
Pheew! I don’t have any alcohol in the house (or tobacco!). I’m not really looking forward to what is inevitably going to be a sleepless night but I’ve decided to read a book for however long it takes to get sleepy and not stress about it even if it gets late. A sober rest awake is still going to be so much better than passed out from a bottle of wine or more.
The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster with my ex being a complete lunatic, stalking me, bothering me at work, being arrested, coming back, raising hell again, being absolutely fine for a while only to lose the plot completely again (yesterday). Trying to navigate working where he lives upstairs, avoiding him at all costs, trying to minimize any trouble for my boss (his mum) and my colleagues when he does approach me against my wishes and trying to seem OK to my customers is just too much to handle. Especially if one throws 1-2 bottles of wine a day into the mix. The poison’s got to go and it’s going, going, gone!
I’m so grateful for the blogging community for keeping me somewhat sane and connected, for the fact that I woke up with a new found conviction about what to do and how to proceed, for the calm I now feel despite it being day 1 again and for everyone else around me who have been so supportive at these turbulent times.
I’m not a Christian but sometimes the phrase “…but for the grace of God” just sounds so true. I do believe there was a divine intervention this morning. There was no reason at all why I should have woken up feeling so serene and determined. I expected hangover symptoms and self pity!